done with xanga.

the end.

so basically i'm a happy camper. these past few days have been wonderful.

friday changed it all. after school, I finally totally snapped and told holden I couldn't deal with all the shit any longer, we fought and both ended up crying. ever since our that, hes been great...we've been great. uhm i dropped him off at the park on my way to Kari's spa gettogether thing. it was pretty fun, on my way back picked up holden around 830. we hung out at the house playing games and such. watched tv and slept together on the couch til about one, then took him to Brandons. ermm had a phone issue but everything went ohk.

saturday: got up early, which was gay. showered etc. Once holden got here we went to walmart. came back here, watched tv, played cards and such, ate lunch. slept for a while together. uhmm went to the cabin for dinner around 8, came back here and played yahtzee a shitton of times. then went bowling with Tim, Sam, and Felicia. that was sweet. uhm basically sam and felicia went out to the car together, and we made a scheme to scare them. holden ran out to the car and jumped on it and rocked it back and forth, then ran. hahaha it was great. anyways dropped holden off at brandons again, got home around 130, went to bed late.

sunday: slept innnn. showered etc, here with holden for a bit. then went to graduation. then holden, mum, and i went to Katie's grad party. errrm then went to holden's for a while. home around 930. stayed up until 130 finishing my english final. haha geeze.

monday: english final, alg2 final, and Am. ex. final. (got slightly irrated with holden when we went out to lunch, but nothing major). Uhm after finals came home for a bit, then holden helped mum and i take 5 of my animals to the vet, what fun. then went out for mexican in brunswick. got cumbies slushies, then to holden's..

today: went in late with holden to finish my stupid alg2 final that i didn't finish yesterday. home around 11, picked up ben and kieley and then we all went to the beach. other than having a slight anxiety attack about being so far out in the water, i had an awesome time. we were there for like 5 and half hours. we walked around, got in the water, played lacrosse "golf", went on a search for sand dollars, I yelled at the boys for playing with a dead baby shark...and we all got burned to shit. droppped k and b off around 6, got BK ( i ate an entire texas double whopper, it was amazing haha), showered, holden and i took care of eachothers sunburns, played  yahtzee, watched a bit of tv.

anddd thats about it.

what ever happened to the old times?

things have been so different lately, in every way possible. things are so fucked up, its not fair.

haven't updated in so long... here it goes:

5/26 school, holden's not being his usual self. his final lax game of the season ( a win), got take out from Little wok and took it to my house, then went to his house. home around 11 then went to bed.

5/27 Slept in til 12 (so nice) picked up holden and then we went to the beach. we were in the water for about 30 mins then layed around. got cloudy and cold so we left. back here, showered, then we went to the cabin with the 'rents. then to his house. things still weird. everything i say and do seems wrong. i act out when i don't mean too etc. etc. I'm not happy and i'm worried about holden and nothing i do seems to help.

5/28 Up early, A1 diner with the 'rents. then went driving and antique-ing for the day. joy. wrote out a note and card for holden as a surprise. took it to him that night. didn't have an exciting time, he was acting strange. sorta watched signs, came home around 11 and ate dinner even though i wasn't hungry...gahh

5/29 memmorial day. met up with holden at the parade. saw jack there awww. uhm from there holden and i walked uptown, ran into a bunch of people like jacque, nate, ashley, etc. etc. came back here and had a water balloon fight (didn't last long because holden kept hurling them way to hard at me haha). layed out for a little bit, helped with dinner. all sorts of yummy mem day food. watched tv. went to holden's. showeredddd and had lovie time.

5/30 school, back here with holden and britt, we dropped him off at the skatepark then went to cumbies to get slushies. from there we went to the girls lax game (she hasn't been playing because she hurt her knees really bad). came home, had dinner. then went and picked up an extremely high holden, went to his house...pretty much tried to ignore him the entire time because i was so mad with him. ermmm yeah

5/31 school, back here talked with holden. pretty much really messed up. dropped him off at the skatepark (he went off with his friends and i ripped... so angry things are already turning out like last summer. so pretty much when i talked to him on the phone later that day not only was my day ruined, but his was as well), then picked up amy, then carly. we all went dress hunting for carly, her 8th grade graduation, soooo cute. she loved the fact that she had a "awesome older teen to help her pick out stuff, because ohmygod auntie amy and mum have no sense of style WHATSOEVER" we looked all over and tried on so many dresses. finally picked one from debs ( i ended up getting one as well for the wedding this summer). went to on the border ( SUCH A GOOD DINNER HOLY SHIT), dropped carly off. came back to bath dropped amy off, then got home around 1045.

6/1 Holden's and I's 9 month anniversary. it basically sucked, nothing special.. we fought, it was so fucked up. school. walmart, home for a bit. then holden's. we've been through so much in such a short time...its been hard to handle.

6/2 school, here, argued. holden said some stuff and then denied he said it. gay. he was being so mean. finally we calmed down and we went to the cemetery. got pizza from papa johns. then went to his house. didn't stay long because I found uhh something. he basically lied to me about some stuff. i was furious so i just started walking home and for the first time ever he actually got in my face and yelled at me, saying i was over reacting when clearly i was not. that made me madder. ran into Ben and Kieley. in a way i was thankful and a way i wans't. basically ben said holden was right that i was overreacting but kieley understood where i was coming from. ughh we all walked back to holden's then we talked outside for a long ass time. they left around 930 then holden and i started to watch fear and loathing in las vegas. thats about it.

6/3 Moody's for breakfast and errands with holden, mom, and, amy.  came home. fucked up crap. played a few games, argued some more. basically everything was getting to me...uhm watched tv, had dinner, went to holden's. we had an ohk time, we got along. but he said some stuff that hurt, and then when he realized it hurt me he tried saying he didn't mean it the way it came out...uhm. yeah. something about how he wants to fall deeply in love with me again...hes totally changed. no more sweetheart, no more lovey stuff. nothing. just changed suddenly. hes always sarcastic...it just sucks. nothing i can do to change it, and when i try to be happy i end up getting hurt... ended up going to bed early for a saturday night.

6/4 Got up early to have breakfast with the 'rents. went to a part of the bowdoin art museum, and then the polar stuff. went to lowe's then out to cook's for dinner. yumm. had a pretty lowkey day, only talked to holden a few times on the phone. Thats pretty much it. Relaxed that night.

6/5 School. best day I've had with holden in a long time. back there had a minor random flip out and talking about maybe taking a break, i was pro, he was against. natually. got over it, too him home for a bit. went walking in the cememtery with mum, went to shaws, dinner etc. then went back to holden's and had a pretty sweet night (for serious). ahhhh he almost got me stewie slippers on sunday when i hadn't seen him =]

6/6 We had an all right day. school, last day for seniors so it was the final assembly (when they were dismissed and us juniors moved up to our "now senior seats" some stupid ass pulled the fire alarm. haha gayyy) back here for a bit, then took holden to his lax banquet. I was invited but decided not to go in fear of being the only girlfriend there. then walked down and met up with holden, we walked to DQ. then all the way back to my house. sat on the porch for a bit. etc.

6/7 parents left wayyy early in the morning...dad was being dropped off at the airport. So Holden came over, then we went to school together. came back here, holden and i fought over more stupid shit, went to applebees for dinner. then to his house. didn't do much.

today 6/8 school, then went to portland (holden came with). hes just a constant negative ass. everything i say he has to come up with a witty/smarter/asshole remark. no matter what i say, i can say you look cute today.and i basically get uhm screw off. anyways, we went to borders, abercrombie, spencers, hot topic, starbucks, godiva, etc. etc. I got a shitton of stuff for me and then a lot of birthday/graduation presents. went to O'Naturals for dinner. back here, made cookies and basically just hung out.

finals are next week, I have last minute assignments due tomorrow and one paper for my am. ex. final. blahhh. tomorrow is the last full day of freaking school. thank god. and i am now a senior... holy shit.

oh and yeah its been raining like crazy, i wish it would stop sooooon.

tuesday: school, ortho appt., took holden to practice and such. went to Fat Boy for dinner with dad. Came back and went on a walk with Holden. thats about it.

wednesday: school. Britt, Holden, and I came back here for a bit. We dropped Holden off at the fields, then went to Britt's house to let her dogs out. what cuties! came back to Bath, watched Holden's game. uhm after we drove holden home, used his "potty room" hahahaha. then Britt and I went to Applebee's for dinner...we totally pigged out and one of the new managers kept coming over and making us laugh like crazy. he'd be like (when Britt was talking) " so you know...shes not really listening..." then he'd sit down and bug us about what we were talking about and whats up and stuff. he was being totally hilarious. we were crying we were laughing so hard. uhmmm we went to walmart and ran around. mmmmyeah. later last night, my tv shit the bed, god damnit. mmm thats like all the good stuff.

today: school, came home briefly to clean the kitchen, then went to Portland. picked mom up from the airport, then we went out for a late lunch/ early dinner at Chili's, then went to Sam's club and got some stuffff. erm came home briefly then went to holden's. had a pretty good time.

kinda having a rough /emotional/stressful time lately. erggg